I sent my husband a video of a gay guy making a bed, and it's changed how i think about everything.
- Jun 26
- 4 min read
What a way to wrap up the financial year!
Last week, I sent my husband a video of a gay man making a bed. Now, before you start wondering where this is going, stay with me for a sec.
I was doom scrolling, and there is a video doing the round at the moment of a man very explicitly explaining how to make a bed. It's not your typical influencer type video, this man was exasperated, frustrated and was very clearly explaining step-by-step, with a demonstration of how to make the bed, and why each stage was important. I watched it... More than once, and then sent it to my husband Alex, not as a vague nudge, but because it was brilliant.
It was brilliant partly because it was funny, but mostly it was a reminder of how often we expect people to meet a standard we have never actually explained.Now, I love a well made bed, fresh sheet day is my favourite kinda day. But the bed making in my house is now at a whole other level.
We do this all the time at work, at home, in leadership, in business, and in relationships. We say things like "can you take ownership of this?", "can you be more proactive?" "can you make this look more professional?", "can you communicate better?", "can you just sort that out?". And then we feel frustrated when the other person doesn't deliver the version we'd imagined (in our minds) But the issue isn't always capability, sometimes the issue is ambiguity.
What feels obvious to you is not always obvious to someone else, a little like that saying - common sense, not that common.
What you call common sense might actually be years of experience, preference, exposure, feedback, mistakes, failures, and invisible learning that someone else simply hasn't been exposed to (yet).We forget how much we know because we no longer have to think about it.
This is where so much frustration is created. Not because people are lazy, or careless, or unwilling, but because the standard is unclear, the outcome is assumed and the process lives entirely inside someone else's head.
In leadership, this matters enormously.
If you ask someone to "step up", you need to be able to explain what stepping up actually looks like. If you ask someone to be more strategic, you need to show them the difference between strategic thinking and simply doing more work. If you want someone to communicate better, you need to define what better communication looks like in your team, with your clients, in your meetings and in your rhythm of work.
Clarity is not micromanagement. It's not over-explaining. It's not treating people like they are incapable. Clarity is how we remove the unnecessary friction between what we expect and what someone else understands.
And that's what I loved about the bed-making video. He didn't just say, "make the bed properly." He showed what properly meant.
That's the missing piece.
Most people don't need more pressure. They need a clearer picture of what good looks like. They don't need to be told to "do better" in broad, sweeping terms. They need to understand what better means in behaviour, language, timing, ownership, decision-making and delivery.
Last week I went to a conference by Leanne Hughes called ConCon, there was one piece that really stood out to me, and that was the shift from "how to" content to "how I do" content.
The internet is full of "how to" content. How to lead. How to communicate. How to have a difficult conversation. How to build confidence. How to grow a business.
Some of it is useful, but a lot of it stays at the conceptual level.
This is something that my clients are constantly telling me is different with the was I deliver a keynote, or a workshop. I share 'how I do it' and specifically 'how they can do it'.
What I think people are craving now is not just instruction, but demonstration.
Not just "how to have a courageous conversation", but "here is how I prepare for one when my stomach is in knots."
Not just "how to build confidence", but "here is what I actually do before I walk on stage."
Not just "how to reset your life", but "here is how I come home to myself when I have been carrying too much for too long."
That's the shift I am leaning into more deeply, and you'll start to see more and more of a less watered down version of me, and something my clients ask for as the 'Ally buzz', or 'food for the soul'.
If we want people to rise to the standard, we have to stop assuming they can see it.
We have to name the outcome, demonstrate the process, explain the non-negotiables and show people what good looks like. Not because people are stupid, but because ambiguity is expensive. It costs time, trust, energy, confidence and sometimes relationships.
So yes, I sent my husband a video of a man making a bed.
It may have started as a funny baseline for the morning ritual of making a bed, but it ended up being a leadership lesson.
People cannot meet expectations that only live in your head.
If you want better results... Create more clarity contact Ally here.
Until next time, Eat the Frog, Get the Worm, Be the Bird up your bed making, I mean leadership explaining!
Ally
Ally Nitschke is a best-selling Author, an award-winning Thought Leader and Speaker. She has been working with leaders and as a Leader for over 20 years.
She is on a mission to change the way we communicate at work, to lean into those uncomfortable conversations and lead with courage.
Ally is a Keynote Speaker at conferences, delivers Transformational Programs & highly engaging workshops as well as provides Executive Coaching.
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